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thinking aloud, so to speak
Apr. 6th, 2012 05:48 pm( this is me reasoning through Boy Toy's email so I can reply thoughtfully and intelligently )
Anyone see anything blatant that I'm missing here?
Anyone see anything blatant that I'm missing here?
Contender for "The Guy Who Doesn't Get It"
Jan. 6th, 2012 06:17 pmHis nickname has been Boy Toy because even though he's older than me, he's less mature. Every so often, he pops back into my life, but then I get an attack of conscience or just get fucking fed up and stop seeing him. Since I got with J, I've been keeping pretty well away from Boy Toy.
When we met, we were both with other people and cheating. We never used to be able to "entertain" at home, so we would do things like fuck in his car, or fuck in a storage closet where he worked, because we were broke and horny and had no better place to go. I moved on - he didn't. I don't need to sneak around any more in order to get a little strange, and it's too much work. So I stopped seeing anyone who was involved with someone but cheating on her, and that included the Boy Toy.
In December, he once again showed up on my radar, saying he and his long-time gf (12-15 years?) broke up. He and I got together and proceeded... not to have sex, actually. We got re-acquainted & were going to meet again a few days later for sex. Then my life esploded when I started working 2nd shift, and the holidays came and went, and I couldn't make time to see him. I didn't have the inclination to do so, even if I'd had the time, because he can be or try to be a manipulative SOB and I wasn't interested.
He just wrote me again, calmly asking how my holidays were & saying his ex-gf is living with him again until she finds an apartment, she's sick and she can't move right now and he's a softie, but he does have a car so he can get around and we could meet elsewhere. His email said "she's here so I can't exactly be explicit about what I'm doing in my spare time, but we have 2 options: (1) my house when she's out or your house when your roommates are gone OR (2) fucking in cars or storage closets."
Not the way I see it. I reminded him he's leaving out a perfectly valid option (3) - not meeting for sex again until he's got things settled on his end, until he doesn't have to sneak around on anyone. His message included a remark that he goes nuts after a month without a good lay, implying I'm supposed to help him with this little problem. My attitude is "no, actually, I don't. I'm doing this on my terms."
So I told him no. I explained again that I intend to conduct myself on the up-and-up, and if he feels like he can't just be honest about what he's up to, then I don't want to be involved with him until after all that blows over. If he wants to sneak around, more power to him, but it won't be with me.
There are guys who are dumb. Then there are guys who play dumb so well you know they're really criminal masterminds putting on an act. THEN there are guys who play dumb so well you would think they're really criminal masterminds except that nobody could play THAT dumb unless they WERE really stupendously dumb. I don't think he's as dumb or uncomprehending as he appears to be. I think he knows precisely what he's doing. He just keeps trying to press what he thinks is his advantage. I think he's trying to manipulate me, and I resent that.
But I'll tell you what - if I didn't have all this personal character stuff to think about, I'd fuck him in a hot minute. He was a fantastic lover. But I can't get it through his thick skull that he doesn't have to manipulate me and that by trying to do so, he's making it worse for himself, he's making it that much less likely he's ever going to get to fuck me again.
I wonder how many more times I'm going to have to cuff him on the snout before he gets that I will conduct my relationships openly and he can get on board or forget seeing me again.
When we met, we were both with other people and cheating. We never used to be able to "entertain" at home, so we would do things like fuck in his car, or fuck in a storage closet where he worked, because we were broke and horny and had no better place to go. I moved on - he didn't. I don't need to sneak around any more in order to get a little strange, and it's too much work. So I stopped seeing anyone who was involved with someone but cheating on her, and that included the Boy Toy.
In December, he once again showed up on my radar, saying he and his long-time gf (12-15 years?) broke up. He and I got together and proceeded... not to have sex, actually. We got re-acquainted & were going to meet again a few days later for sex. Then my life esploded when I started working 2nd shift, and the holidays came and went, and I couldn't make time to see him. I didn't have the inclination to do so, even if I'd had the time, because he can be or try to be a manipulative SOB and I wasn't interested.
He just wrote me again, calmly asking how my holidays were & saying his ex-gf is living with him again until she finds an apartment, she's sick and she can't move right now and he's a softie, but he does have a car so he can get around and we could meet elsewhere. His email said "she's here so I can't exactly be explicit about what I'm doing in my spare time, but we have 2 options: (1) my house when she's out or your house when your roommates are gone OR (2) fucking in cars or storage closets."
Not the way I see it. I reminded him he's leaving out a perfectly valid option (3) - not meeting for sex again until he's got things settled on his end, until he doesn't have to sneak around on anyone. His message included a remark that he goes nuts after a month without a good lay, implying I'm supposed to help him with this little problem. My attitude is "no, actually, I don't. I'm doing this on my terms."
So I told him no. I explained again that I intend to conduct myself on the up-and-up, and if he feels like he can't just be honest about what he's up to, then I don't want to be involved with him until after all that blows over. If he wants to sneak around, more power to him, but it won't be with me.
There are guys who are dumb. Then there are guys who play dumb so well you know they're really criminal masterminds putting on an act. THEN there are guys who play dumb so well you would think they're really criminal masterminds except that nobody could play THAT dumb unless they WERE really stupendously dumb. I don't think he's as dumb or uncomprehending as he appears to be. I think he knows precisely what he's doing. He just keeps trying to press what he thinks is his advantage. I think he's trying to manipulate me, and I resent that.
But I'll tell you what - if I didn't have all this personal character stuff to think about, I'd fuck him in a hot minute. He was a fantastic lover. But I can't get it through his thick skull that he doesn't have to manipulate me and that by trying to do so, he's making it worse for himself, he's making it that much less likely he's ever going to get to fuck me again.
I wonder how many more times I'm going to have to cuff him on the snout before he gets that I will conduct my relationships openly and he can get on board or forget seeing me again.
