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Poly questions and (un)common courtesy
Apr. 24th, 2012 05:19 pmOther poly folk: Do you have any activities that you & your primary keep 'sacred' with each other and agree not to do with other partners? Is that a good idea? a bad idea? neither? does it totally depend on what the activity is?
In theory, it seems like a good idea. Strengthens your bond in your relationship to have things you share like that, and so on.
In practice, I know that my primary and I have occasionally intentionally or accidentally violated explicit or tacit agreements - which is something we work on when it happens. I have, in fact, broken rules and agreements we set between us before totally inadvertently because I completely forgot that we said we would or would not do X or Y. I feel like a right ass because of it, but it's due to a combination of a mental illness I have and the medications I take for it causing memory lapses.
I remember a conversation a while ago with J about something specific where we said "maybe we should have [this] just be something we don't do with other people" and I also remember a conversation where we said "sure, that seems like a good idea, but that agreement may in some cases make it seem like a restriction or restraint on us doing what we want, so maybe we shouldn't try to set a limit on [this]." Of course, neither of us recall the resolution to that conversation. Maybe there wasn't one.
I wrong a very long post here and it provoked a lot of thought in me, but none of it made as much sense or was as concise as what I wrote above, so I'm cutting this off here and I'll let the elaboration and discussion happen in the comments. ETA: I just noticed I had it set so only registered users could comment, so if the Twitterfolk want to comment, you can now, sorry about that!!!
In theory, it seems like a good idea. Strengthens your bond in your relationship to have things you share like that, and so on.
In practice, I know that my primary and I have occasionally intentionally or accidentally violated explicit or tacit agreements - which is something we work on when it happens. I have, in fact, broken rules and agreements we set between us before totally inadvertently because I completely forgot that we said we would or would not do X or Y. I feel like a right ass because of it, but it's due to a combination of a mental illness I have and the medications I take for it causing memory lapses.
I remember a conversation a while ago with J about something specific where we said "maybe we should have [this] just be something we don't do with other people" and I also remember a conversation where we said "sure, that seems like a good idea, but that agreement may in some cases make it seem like a restriction or restraint on us doing what we want, so maybe we shouldn't try to set a limit on [this]." Of course, neither of us recall the resolution to that conversation. Maybe there wasn't one.
I wrong a very long post here and it provoked a lot of thought in me, but none of it made as much sense or was as concise as what I wrote above, so I'm cutting this off here and I'll let the elaboration and discussion happen in the comments. ETA: I just noticed I had it set so only registered users could comment, so if the Twitterfolk want to comment, you can now, sorry about that!!!
