This is how to be a heartbreaker (not)
Oct. 13th, 2013 05:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tuneinturnonI gotta guy I started seeing a couple months back. We don't see each other much because of work schedules & family requirements. But that was fine by me. I didn't want anything serious.
I have to tell him I don't want to see him anymore. I pussied out the other day because he's truly a nice guy but suffered from some traits a few "nice guys" I'vemnet have that bug the shit out of me, & despite saying to him that these are a problem for me, he can't quit. And I don't want to feel like a nag reminding him all the time. I think it's time to call it.
I'm sure many women would LOVE a guy who does nothing but agree with her & never expresses his own opinion except in the form of a question followed by "is that all right with you?" I've told him I need a guy who has preferences and opinions, but he just doesn't seem capable of expressing those. They'd probably think he's being considerate.
With me, it irks me no end. I hate doing all the decision-making. Even something as basic as where to eat frustrates me. I told him on our first date I need a guy with opinions, not someone who's gonna put all the decision making on me. No use.
Then there's sex. I met him online, & he answered a whole bunch of questions about his sex life. One thing said he's a dom. I definitely do not see that. Another said after a break-up he "went in a spree," shall we say. When asked, he told me he's had 6 lovers. This info doesn't jive. I've tried to addresses these inconsistencies & he dodges the questions or doesn't answer my emails about that.
After our first date, he texted me all the time. Many times a day. Good morning, how's your day, and so on. I frankly wasn't looking for something with that level of involvement. He knew I wanted a fuck buddy I could talk to during downtime [so we needed to be able to chat] & that was it. Some would say they're only text messages, but I consider phone calls & texts generally to be intrusions. I'm not available to anyone 24/7 except family.
Since I didn't see an easy way out without possibly hurting his feelings, I'd answer or sometimes not get to answering for a while. It boils down to "you were thinking of me, but I wasn't thinking of you, I was going about my daily life & you're inserting yourself into it." I don't know a way to say "I don't think of you" without it sounding insulting, so I let it go.
There are also some things he does in bed, whether they're d habits or personal preferences, that make me want to throttle him, & not in a good way. I've told him what I prefer, I've reminded him nicely when he's forgotten. I've tried going with the flow and seeing if I could find a way for these things to just not bug me, but "that tickles, I like being stroked like this instead" isn't exactly rocket science.
Usually with me it's "3 strikes & you're out" - if I've asked a partner to do or nit do something & by the end of our third (different day) session he can't manage it, I say "ciao, it's been fun." How long do you give a new lover to catch on? (Subs & salves not really included since they do your bidding.)
What do I do? Normally I take the honest approach, but I'm sure telling he annoys me would likely make him swear he'd change & I'd feel worse saying I'm not giving him that opportunity.
Advice?
I have to tell him I don't want to see him anymore. I pussied out the other day because he's truly a nice guy but suffered from some traits a few "nice guys" I'vemnet have that bug the shit out of me, & despite saying to him that these are a problem for me, he can't quit. And I don't want to feel like a nag reminding him all the time. I think it's time to call it.
I'm sure many women would LOVE a guy who does nothing but agree with her & never expresses his own opinion except in the form of a question followed by "is that all right with you?" I've told him I need a guy who has preferences and opinions, but he just doesn't seem capable of expressing those. They'd probably think he's being considerate.
With me, it irks me no end. I hate doing all the decision-making. Even something as basic as where to eat frustrates me. I told him on our first date I need a guy with opinions, not someone who's gonna put all the decision making on me. No use.
Then there's sex. I met him online, & he answered a whole bunch of questions about his sex life. One thing said he's a dom. I definitely do not see that. Another said after a break-up he "went in a spree," shall we say. When asked, he told me he's had 6 lovers. This info doesn't jive. I've tried to addresses these inconsistencies & he dodges the questions or doesn't answer my emails about that.
After our first date, he texted me all the time. Many times a day. Good morning, how's your day, and so on. I frankly wasn't looking for something with that level of involvement. He knew I wanted a fuck buddy I could talk to during downtime [so we needed to be able to chat] & that was it. Some would say they're only text messages, but I consider phone calls & texts generally to be intrusions. I'm not available to anyone 24/7 except family.
Since I didn't see an easy way out without possibly hurting his feelings, I'd answer or sometimes not get to answering for a while. It boils down to "you were thinking of me, but I wasn't thinking of you, I was going about my daily life & you're inserting yourself into it." I don't know a way to say "I don't think of you" without it sounding insulting, so I let it go.
There are also some things he does in bed, whether they're d habits or personal preferences, that make me want to throttle him, & not in a good way. I've told him what I prefer, I've reminded him nicely when he's forgotten. I've tried going with the flow and seeing if I could find a way for these things to just not bug me, but "that tickles, I like being stroked like this instead" isn't exactly rocket science.
Usually with me it's "3 strikes & you're out" - if I've asked a partner to do or nit do something & by the end of our third (different day) session he can't manage it, I say "ciao, it's been fun." How long do you give a new lover to catch on? (Subs & salves not really included since they do your bidding.)
What do I do? Normally I take the honest approach, but I'm sure telling he annoys me would likely make him swear he'd change & I'd feel worse saying I'm not giving him that opportunity.
Advice?
