relationshippy books & things
Jun. 7th, 2012 02:34 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tuneinturnonI was inspired by one of my partners who has developed an interest in exploring his bi-curiosity to revisit a book that I swear I own but if I do still have it, it's in a box and I can't find it - Lou Paget's awesome "How to Be a Great Lover". I believe this is the book that taught me how to give a great hand job and also that the 2 o'clock spot is the most sensitive on a woman's clit. I might be wrong about those recollections, but anyway, I duly hopped on my local library website to request Lou Paget for my lover. While I was on there, I started investigating books on male orgasm and male sexual behavior and requesting other books I thought my lover might be interested in - the joys of gay sex and the like, things that wouldn't pertain to me at all. I then branched out and requested a book called "Light Her Fire" by Ellen Kreidman since I very much enjoyed the one for the women readers, which is called "Light His Fire" - this is a relationship book, not a sex book.
Then I stopped and realized that I was doing the work for him.
He can go look at books if he's interested. Or not, if he isn't. He doesn't need me feeding him all this stuff. I went back and cancelled half the requests I'd made. I kept the one on Lou's book, because it's a great book, and I kept things like "He Comes Next" by Ian Kerner, which I could get something from as well, but anything that was mainly for him as a bi-curious/gay man, I cancelled those. If he wants to do research, he can do it. He doesn't need me to dump a pile of books he never asked for in his lap on the subject.
He never asked me to do that - I just did it. It's kind of bothering me that I did that, that I behaved that way by default. This is a far cry from teaching someone how to swim by throwing them in the deep end without any water wings on, but if I keep doing things like this, I'll grow to resent it and he'll grow to rely on it more, so I'll feel like I HAVE to as opposed to doing it because I WANTED to, which will make me feel unappreciated... it's a whole cycle. So it ends here.
And now, it's very late my time, I took half an Ambien ages ago and haven't fallen asleep yet so I really need to give it the old college try, as they say. Night.
Then I stopped and realized that I was doing the work for him.
He can go look at books if he's interested. Or not, if he isn't. He doesn't need me feeding him all this stuff. I went back and cancelled half the requests I'd made. I kept the one on Lou's book, because it's a great book, and I kept things like "He Comes Next" by Ian Kerner, which I could get something from as well, but anything that was mainly for him as a bi-curious/gay man, I cancelled those. If he wants to do research, he can do it. He doesn't need me to dump a pile of books he never asked for in his lap on the subject.
He never asked me to do that - I just did it. It's kind of bothering me that I did that, that I behaved that way by default. This is a far cry from teaching someone how to swim by throwing them in the deep end without any water wings on, but if I keep doing things like this, I'll grow to resent it and he'll grow to rely on it more, so I'll feel like I HAVE to as opposed to doing it because I WANTED to, which will make me feel unappreciated... it's a whole cycle. So it ends here.
And now, it's very late my time, I took half an Ambien ages ago and haven't fallen asleep yet so I really need to give it the old college try, as they say. Night.
