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Apr. 26th, 2012 05:17 pm
tuneinturnon: shirt being pulled down sexily (Default)
note to self to go read this article. "The Strange Credibility of Polyamory" by pepomint
http://freaksexual.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/the-strange-credibility-of-polyamory/

A quote from Susie Bright and Tristan Taormino talking about it:
SB: why is it that swingers have always been, like, the double-wide trailer trash of the open relationship community but when you say "poly" it's like "yes, I've been to MIT, and I've come to this decision, and ...
TT: yes, and I'm enlightened. It's back to the "I'm enlightened, I'm educated, I'm incredibly articulate and thoughtful, you know, and I live on the West Coast". Not to stereotype or anything. ;)

Even though I identify as being polyamorous, I don't know many poly people. I don't really know how to meet them. Besides my fiance & not counting my ex-husband, I have a couple male acquaintances who is poly who I met IRL. Everyone else is still only an Acquaintance, definitely not a friend. But I hear about them, especially guys who say they're polyamorous only to use poly as a cover for some unconscionable behavior. Guys who are really in it just to get laid as much as possible without feeling any compunction to be accountable to any of their partners. Or the "poly" guy who thinks is perfectly fine for him to have, like, 8 girlfriends but no way are any of his girlfriends allowed to date other men. That's all bullshit. So I don't know if I identify with their definition of "polyamorous" people being all enlightened and articulate.

But I've been to swingers events and clubs, and I do still think of the swingers as largely in this type of category they said. The guys are, well, stereotypical GUYS. They are obsessed with sex, may have baseball bats between their legs, think they're God's gift to women. Maybe they hunt or drive big pick up trucks or muscle cars, but what I don't think of is "educated, erudite, good conversationalists."

Another good question from this interview: does sex define an intimate relationship? For me, definitely no. I can't say I've had a very intimate relationship with someone I haven't ever fucked, but I can say that I've had sex without it being any kind of relationship, it was strictly bodies enjoying one another. I'd like to get to the point where I can have an intimate relationship with someone I haven't slept with, I think that's a good goal, but I'm not going to freak out about sex.
tuneinturnon: shirt being pulled down sexily (Default)
J&I met a couple, M&S, on Craigslist. Had dinner, got along famously. Then M went away for work for about a month & we made plans to get together with them when he got back by all going to a swingers pool party where you get to swim naked, have sex in all sorts of fun crazy places like in the pool, on sofas and air mattresses on the floor and, if you're lucky enough to get in, in one of the bedrooms with king size beds.

my sad tale of woe )

In the car ride home, he was saying, you know, he never meets anyone, I never meet any keepers only asshats I end up telling you lot about, and I said "so, what do you want to do about this?" Because if being open (poly or swinging) isn't working for us only because of lack of opportunities, that's different from it not working because our relationship can't take it or something. He said he doesn't want to close off opportunities or potential, and I can see that. The only lover I have besides J who I have great sex with is kind of a jerk, and I don't have time or inclination or energy to go find others, and they aren't finding me. And he doesn't have any lovers besides me right now, because he's just not meeting the right women I guess. I just don't know how to make this work. I don't know how to get the kind of life we'd like to have from where we are.

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