Nov. 19th, 2012

tuneinturnon: shirt being pulled down sexily (Default)
First, just a warning - I put no hyperlinks in this post. Anything that's a link is an ad.

J recently saw an ad in the "Casual Encounters" area of Craigslist. For those unfamiliar, Casual Encounters is generally for people who are looking for NSA sexual encounters, not relationships. There are separate areas for relationships.

This ad was from a triad - specifically from a couple who recently expanded to a triad and "are looking for the right couple or group to introduce our new girl to the lifestyle." J asked if I was interested.
The ad was full of contradictions to me. A triad generally indicates to me & J, anyway, that they're polyamorous.

"Lifestyle" is generally used for swinging or even BDSM, in my experience. I haven't heard it so much for people who are polyamorous.
But when they say "our" "girl", it makes me think of maybe a D/S daddy-dynamic, potentially. So I wanted to clear up what they meant. Turns out that was very difficult.
I got in communication with the person writing the ad, the man of the couple as was. Dude was using a lot of words I don't think he knew the meanings of.

Dude: "We are just a bf/gf/gf. New gf hasn't swung yet."
Me: "so you meant swinging? that's all?" [he'd already identified them as poly. not that they can't be poly swingers like we are, but they're not interchangeable terms, and it sounded like he thinks they are.]
Dude: "yes, swinging."

All right, I figure swinging = people who are not in an emotional/romantic relationship but who have sex, maybe sex with a side of friendship. Then, he continues.

Dude: "New gf wanted more people to embrace us."

So now I'm confused.

Me: "do you mean sex? That's what I thought your ad meant. But if you just want to socialize..."
Dude: "Sex. We want both. [NameOmitted] wants it all. She just wants affection from as many as possible."
Me: "You think you can generate affection via sex via a Craigslist ad? You can generate attention and hopefully orgasms but not necessarily affection."
Dude: "No, we think that in the one in a million chance we met a poly couple, we found you two"

Hold on, now. We haven't even met in person. Don't be giving me all this "you're one in a million" nonsense. I hate fake flattery. That plus the confusing terminology is starting to get on my nerves.
Second, he doesn't seem to know there are other poly people around. There are LOTS of poly people around, he just hasn't figured out how to meet them, apparently. I suggested a few ways they could meet folks.

Dude: "oh well i guess people that just want to fuck is all we will find on cl. Sorry for being excited that we found a couple that would understand a group that could all just be!!!"

I'm thinking oh well, I guess when you put your ad in the Casual Encounters section of CL, then yes, you DO only get people who want to fuck, because that's why they are there! They aren't there to find true love, and they sure as hell aren't there to find "a group that can all just be" [which apparently includes sex/polyamory/swinging but also other levels of involvement that were unclear to me - though not BDSM, we did at least square that].

But I'm still nice to him. I suggest maybe he cross-post his ad or move it, I repeat what I said about other ways they can meet poly people.

Dude: "so u done with us? u just wanted sex?"

I hate to say "yes, we just wanted sex" - it sounds cold-hearted. But it's 100% true. When we're swinging, yes, it's pretty much all about the sex.

Another thing that's 100% true is that J & I don't want to be in a relationship together with others, that's just not how we roll when we're practicing polyamory. As a couple, we don't want communal partners; I have enough trouble with one at a time, I sure as hell don't want the complications that arise from being 3 in a relationship.

So that's what I said, that we're not looking to get involved with a group. If someone wants me "showering affection" on her - and hell, who wouldn't want to have affection showered on them? - that's "involved," in my book. Dude seems to have gone away now.


tuneinturnon: shirt being pulled down sexily (Default)

January 2015


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