Jul. 15th, 2012

tuneinturnon: shirt being pulled down sexily (Default)
Those following me on Twitter tonight watched me have a tough time at a social event. I was feeling insecure because, well, I just do sometimes. I'm an introvert, I have to make a great deal of effort to interact with people at social events in general, and I realized in the long deconstruction of it after J and I got home that nobody else at this thing is making an effort to get to know me, like even asking me what I do for a living or anything. While J says they're perfectly nice people who I'd have a lot to talk about with, I'm doing ALL the work when trying to make conversation with people. Nobody seems to want to get to know me. So that makes me feels uninteresting and worse about myself.

Then there was a situation where there were a couple women there who J was interested in or had crushes on (or just thought he had a shot with and was attracted to, I'm not even entirely certain). detail of how things went badly for me )

So now we get to the lessons learned. I was very clear with him when I said "what are we going to do to make sure this doesn't end up happening again? I don't want to end up angry and hurt, and you don't want me to either." to which he readily agreed.

I said "give me a heads up if you're going into this kind of conversation", since I didn't have a clue either time he did it this weekend and got an unpleasant shock at least once.

I said that I'm going to change my expectations of these events. When J and I go to a swinger's party, I expect that we might get laid, either separately or together, and if someone wants to take him off by himself, I can figure out how to make my own fun. So it's probably best for me to assume that from the moment we walk in, either of us might be getting propositioned or in sexual situations at any time so I'll consider myself pre-warned. I'm going to make my best effort at it.

Lastly, we established that, to quote C.J. Cregg from "The West Wing", "Before, now, in the future, anytime you’re into something and you don’t know what. And you can’t tell me that you thought there was nothing to it.... Anytime you’re into something and you don’t know what, you don’t keep it from me. I’m your first phone call." In other words, what I want to see in future similar situations is that he enters the room, he makes a beeline to me as quickly as reasonably possible, he interrupts what I'm doing and asks if he can have a word away from everyone else, and he lets me know what just happened so I'm not caught completely off guard. Because I really hated being surprised by this news tonight, but more importantly, I really hated not hearing it from him.

And I've just thought of something else - I fear this is totally going to fan the flames of my "I wanna have a crush on someone!" longing. Bah.

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January 2015

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